Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize