I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
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Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
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I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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