What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.