So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
