I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize