we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
