Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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