hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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