just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
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If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
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I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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