So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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