The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize