It's Friday. Sex?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
