You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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