is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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