i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
