wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
