I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
