i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
