the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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