Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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