she looked like the bat from fern gully.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
