Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.