Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.