so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after