Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
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I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
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They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Of course I have a pirate flag
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick