tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important