Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?

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  (631): Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach? http://tfl.nu/iba6
  Replies (10) Good night (1201) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was like, "um, that's my butthole."

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  (215): I was like, "um, that's my butthole." http://tfl.nu/5utz
  Replies (32) Good night (1695) Bad night (6258) Order T-Shirt
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.

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  (319): The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me. http://tfl.nu/ughv
  Replies (3) Good night (896) Bad night (2708) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice

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  (210): she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice http://tfl.nu/lxs5
  Replies (13) Good night (658) Bad night (3402) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"

  (305): View more from Florida

  does that mean he doesn't last long?

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  (813): he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon" (305): does that mean he doesn't last long? http://tfl.nu/k8bo
  Replies (10) Good night (714) Bad night (3549)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.

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  (724): Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted. http://tfl.nu/tz2e
  Replies (41) Good night (16636) Bad night (2177) Order T-Shirt
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.

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  (857): You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks. http://tfl.nu/io5n
  Replies (10) Good night (3174) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent

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  (636): Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent http://tfl.nu/1tsa
  Replies (12) Good night (1896) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?

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  (805): Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin? http://tfl.nu/mg03
  Replies (7) Good night (505) Bad night (1095) Order T-Shirt
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  (281): View more from Texas

  It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night

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  (281): It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night http://tfl.nu/xp13
  Replies (9) Good night (767) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.

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  (760): Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now. http://tfl.nu/d97x
  Replies (6) Good night (589) Bad night (1438)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.

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  (516): Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend. http://tfl.nu/jc2j
  Replies (15) Good night (1187) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.

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  (321): It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises. http://tfl.nu/1767
  Replies (4) Good night (635) Bad night (287) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me

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  (416): I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me http://tfl.nu/whcm
  Replies (5) Good night (659) Bad night (312) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.

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  (519): I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again. http://tfl.nu/4ugu
  Replies (1) Good night (278) Bad night (365) Order T-Shirt

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