I cannot find my penis.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me