dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.