i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
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I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
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Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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