so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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