i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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