please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
