I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
