Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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