did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
