I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
