Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
