I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
