the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
