Banned from zoo.
Again?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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