Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
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His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
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I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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