So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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