Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
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