I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
