Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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