The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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