Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The struggles of a small town man whore
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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