shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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