His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
