is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
