so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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