They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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