I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
