Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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