you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.