i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...