apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate