Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.