Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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